Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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