I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
