Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Randomize
