Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize