Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
