At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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