I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
