But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
