I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
