You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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