We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
