my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
