My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
