I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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