How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
