K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
