I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
