Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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