the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
where are you?
Hypothermia
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
