apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
