Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
