I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I pour the whiskey from now on
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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