I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
