you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
