One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
