You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
