just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
