Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
