I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
