my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
