I want to make a zoo with you.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
