bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
