I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
