when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Can you bring me the toilet please
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
