I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
