i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
