I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
