You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
