We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
