I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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