She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
