And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
