My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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