All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
