DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
