Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
