My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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