mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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