were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
