i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize