ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
