I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
