need another drink. this is the easiest way
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we're making bets on your personal life
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
