I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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