At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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