Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Randomize
