new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
