So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
