he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
