I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
