i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
