i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Alive.
So much puke
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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