Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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