Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
