I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
