Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Be still, my beating vagina.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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