I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize