Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I lost the right to judge tonight
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
