so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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