Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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