I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
