Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
