Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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