i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
