First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
